What would you do if you found out you had severe cancer at 46?

How do you think you would react if you were told that you had cancer of the stomach, liver and esophagus at
46 Years Old?

Especially when you never smoked, never drank in excess, went to the gym 6 days per week for the past 30 years and didn’t have skeletons in your closet?

This is the true story of my cousin Lori Kohut.

One of the most remarkable women I know!

The Woman who Inspired Others!

The Diagnosis

January 26, 2011 off to the emergency room to find out why she cannot swallow?  Is it possible to have just a sore throat or Virus?

January 27, 2011 Dr is doing a scope to find out what is blocking the throat but due to blockage this is not possible

January 28, 2011 Dr is doing a CT scan to find out what is causing the blockage

January 29, 2011 4:00 PM – advised you are full of cancer in your liver, stomach and esophagus

I received the call January 28 to advise that Lori is not well and they think it may be esophagus cancer but to avoid any rumors we wait.

I then receive a call January 29 from Auntie Barb to be told she is heading to the hospital to find out the results.  Later that afternoon I am advised that Lori does have cancer.

I then turned to my daughter and said let’s head to Calgary, it was snowing but something inside me said I must go.

The Visit

Preparing to walk in the hospital I braced myself and asked for Lori’s room. When they said Floor 9 Unit 93 Room 9, we slowly made our way to the elevator. Very little said, preparing for the worst.

We walked to the door, it was slightly closed, we knocked, I grabbed my daughter’s hand and walked inside.

I have never seen anything so unbelievable in my life.  There she was with a big smile on her face, eating her pureed food and seemed very happy to see us.

We sat down and visited Auntie Barb and Tracey while Lori finished her meal.

Here’s a family that was informed 2 hours prior that Lori is confirmed to be full of cancer, has limited time to live yet they are sitting there engaging in a wonderful conversation with us.  I was having difficulty understanding how to determine what I should be saying, when out of the blue, Lori says “I have cancer in my liver, stomach and esophagus.  They haven’t really told me how much time I have but I will enjoy whatever I have left”

Lori said they are going to try radiation on Monday to open her throat a bit so she can eat solid foods.  She said “My goal is to eat a big Mac before I am gone.”  So many of us would be asking for big requests, big expectations and here she is hoping to eat a Big Mac!

We laughed about the people she will meet once she arrives and she actually said

“I am looking forward to seeing what is on the other side.”

Auntie Barb says, “Can you believe this, she wants to die so she can see what is on the other side?” We all smiled and at that moment I realized I had been truly gifted to be related to this most wonderful and inspiring person facing the biggest fear in our lives.

I then asked Lori if she believed in God, and her reply was, “Not really, but I think there must be something,” again she giggled, “I guess I will find out.” Auntie Barb replied and said “Well then find a way to send a message so we all know.”

I asked Lori if she had anything she wanted to do with the time she had left and she said, “Well, I don’t have any bucket list, I don’t want to travel, but all I do want is to spend time with my family and my cat Merle. I want to go with Mom, walk her dog, spend time with Tracey and Frankie, Michael and the girls and the rest of my family.” She proceeded to say she looked forward to spring, walking through the parks and watching the ducks.

She said she was grateful to have the time to prepare herself, organize her things, and spend time with family.  She looked at this as a gift.  In my view now I would be honored if I got the chance to say my goodbyes in this way.

She also said she would rather this happen to her than a 6 year old.

I was so taken back by the conversation that I was inspired beyond belief. Here is a gal who is told she has limited time to live and she is making me feel better about life?  Wow! How does something so beautiful happen?

As we were walking out, my daughter Madison said, “Mom, Lori is being taken to God to be an angel, he must really need her and I know why, he needs her guidance and optimism to help him.

It was at that moment I realized the impact that those two hours had not only me, but also my daughter.  I don’t think either one of us will look at life in the same way.

I was so taken back with what had just happened I had to phone my husband, Mom and Dad, brothers, and sons.

I drove home to Drumheller, grabbed the computer and starting typing, I was in such awe; I had to actually write what just happened to insure it was real!

The Journey “Home”

January 30, 2011 – I am up getting ready to go to Church, as I believe in God and all His power.  This day I am going to pray for Lori and her family, but I am also going to pray for the strength to emulate the attitude I witness a day prior. The strength to appreciate and love the things that I have around me, the peace to accept what is thrown at me with grace and the ability to accept life on life’s terms.

Sitting at the hospital in those prior days, I continually heard the words, Palliative care. That afternoon I spent some time researching exactly what Palliative care means.

Palliative care is any form of medical care or treatment that concentrates on reducing the severity of disease symptoms, rather than striving to halt, delay, or reverse progression of the disease itself or provide a cure. The goal is to prevent and relieve suffering and to improve quality of life for people facing serious, complex illness. Non-hospice palliative care is not dependent on prognosis and is offered in conjunction with curative and all other appropriate forms of medical treatment.

Also, palliative care has been described as “an approach that improves the quality of life of patients and their families facing the problems associated with life-threatening illness, through the prevention and relief of suffering by means of early identification and impeccable assessment and treatment of pain and other problems, physical, psychosocial and spiritual.”

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Palliative_care
Many people in today’s world look at life as a glass that is half empty and here is a woman with only a short number of days to live and she is still looking at life as though the glass is half full.

February 10, 2011 – Well I headed over to see Lori this afternoon.  She spent the morning gathering things from her apartment so she could settle in at her Mom’s house.  Although originally she was going to spend as much time as possible in her apartment, once she got home she realized she wanted to spend as much time with her mom as she could.

Upon arrival I was fortunate enough to run into my cousin Michael and his girls.  It’s amazing how quickly time passes.  The girls are young ladies now, full of giggles, smiles and a lot of conversation.  I watched Lori admire their energy.  You could see how proud she was of her brother in the raising of 3 beautiful young ladies.

When they all left I spent some quiet time with Auntie Barb and Lori.  We spoke of how she was feeling and the adjustments she was making.  She said she was so grateful for our medical system in Alberta.  She said they have been so accommodating to her needs.  She was supplied with a special bed, walker and chair for bathing.  She said she has to learn to bathe all over again.  She laughed and said, “I never imagined I would ever be sitting down having a shower, but I just don’t have the strength to stand that long.”

She then told me of the physiologist nurse that came to see her.  She said “Heather, I knew that they were listening and watching me to see if I was for real”, then she giggled. “I explained to them this is me, and yes- I am completely aware of what is going on”

We spoke of the company she is getting and Auntie Barb explained how so many people have been taken back with Lori’s positive demeanor.  She said, “Lori seems to be consoling everyone, instead of them consoling her,” and she continued, “ Tracey brought a friend by who is divorced and seemed down with life.  After spending a couple hours with Lori she said she felt like a new woman.  The next morning she called to let Lori and Auntie Barb know that she has changed the way she looks at life and she is going to make positive changes just because of the time she spent with Lori.”

We then spoke of her appointments coming up and how she really hopes they can reduce the lump in her throat so she can have her “BIG MAC”, she so wants.

Now she really threw me for a loop, by saying, “Heather, since I didn’t get to have a wedding I’m going to have the best funeral ever.” She completely blew me away.

Auntie Barb replied with, “Yeah, and you should see the ending, you will be very surprised.”

Lori said “I really want it to be a celebration, a happy event; I just want everyone to be happy for me.”

Auntie Barb and Lori were expecting Cousin Bonni to show up with spaghetti for supper, so I thought I would head out and let Lori have some quiet time before supper.  As I was leaving I thanked Lori for visiting with me and told her how much she has inspired me to live a better life and look at it completely differently.

Auntie Barb replied, “Maybe this is what her mission is supposed to be because she is doing that for a lot of people lately.” I gave them both a big hug and headed out into the winter storm with- believe it or not- with a positive attitude.

Going “Home”

February 17, 2011. My husband Kelly and I went to see Lori today.  She now has had the stint put into her throat to allow her easier drinking and eating of pureed foods.  It has been a hard week on her as Auntie Barb tells us all about the procedure.

When we arrived Lori was really struggling as she was trying to eat eggs. The eggs were fine however she was talking and eating at the same time and this is a no-no with the stint!  It took her over 2 hours to clear her throat (poor gal -I felt for her pain and struggle).  This really took a lot out of her.  Auntie Barb was quite upset with the situation because she could have choked to death or had to call 911 to get an emergency tracheotomy, providing 911 could have made it on time.   Then Lori in true Lori style, said, “Mothers always know best, don’t they?” and she gave Auntie Barb the cutest smile, one that would warm any mothers heart.

She told us about the treatments coming up, and ironically her first treatment is February 24, which is the day her dad (Uncle Frank) passed away.  She said, “Well I know Dad will be helping and guiding me through the process.”

Lori showed us pictures of her throat before and after the stint.  It was amazing how she ever got anything down her throat prior to the stint.  She also showed us pictures of the areas the cancer was in and it seemed to have started in the stomach.  They think this could have also been some of the same issues Uncle Frank had dealt with.

February 24 -26, 2011 – received a call from my brothers Dean and John.  They stopped to see Lori and said she was not doing very well.  She was really struggling with her breathing and they were not sure how long she was going to be able to continue.  I continued to pray that God would do the right thing for Lori.

March 2, 2011. My brothers John, Darrell, Dean and I went to see Lori.  She had been moved to a hospice in South Calgary.  This was very difficult for the 4 of us. Since we are strong, healthy and together and we did not know why things happen the way they do.  When we got to the room and saw Lori we all were hit with reality.  Lori was barely able to breath even with the oxygen mask. She would occasionally take off the mask to have a quick drink then get the mask back on.

Even through all this when Auntie Barb would pass her water she still had the courtesy of saying “Thank You.” Can you believe this?  The girl is absolutely a remarkable person.  They had to keep her quite drugged due to pain and the inability to breathe fully.  We visited with Auntie Barb while Lori rested.  Upon leaving we all gave Lori a hug and she was able to say in Lori fashion “Thank you for taking the time to come and see me.” Right to the end she was the pillar of compassion.

I pray that if ever faced with something so difficult that I can Inspire Others to be Better people. That is exactly what Lori did to everyone she encountered!

Lori Kohut of Calgary passed away surrounded by her loving family on Friday, March 4, 2011 at the age of 46 years.

She will be lovingly remembered by her mother Barbara, Sister Tracey Shea, brother Michael Kohut, nephew Frankie Kohut, nieces Cassia, Kendra and Amanda Kohut. As well as numerous aunts, uncles, cousins and friends. She also leaves behind her much-loved cat, Merle.

She was predeceased by her father Frank Kohut in 1999.

Lori worked at the University of Calgary Book Store for many years and will be forever remembered by all.

Memorial donations in Lori’s name may be made directly to the Calgary Humane Society.

(4455 110 Avenue SE, Calgary, AB T2C 2T7).

Email condolences to mountainview@arbormemorial.com subject: Lori Kohut.
A Memorial Service will be held in the Chapel of Mountain View Funeral Home.Monday, March 7, 2011 at 2:00 p.m.

Arrangements entrusted to Mountain View Funeral Home and Cemetery

And she went out exactly how she wanted

TO THE SONG “FOREVER IN BLUE JEANS” 

Love you Lori, look after your dad, your family and all your friends up there!

Love Heather

Xoxoxoxoxo

The strength to appreciate and love the things that I have around me. The peace to accept what is thrown at me with grace and the ability to accept life on life’s terms.

-HC

“Lori seems to be consoling everyone, instead of them consoling her,”

-Barb Kohut

“Heather, since I didn’t get to have a wedding I’m going to have the best funeral ever.”

-Lori Kohut

https://www.cancer.ca/

 

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