Imagine Wondering Where Your Child Is?

Imagine Wondering Where Your Child Is?

“What Does He Look Like?”

In 1980 I was 17 when I met my now husband.  We were young and careless and I became pregnant.  By the time our son was born we were no longer seeing each other.  I was then feeling very alone and unsure of what to do next.  After talking with my parents and looking into myself I decided that in order to give my child the best life I would give him up for adoption.  This decision was heartbreaking and extremely difficult but I decided that keeping him at this time in my life would be selfish on my part.  My son deserved a better, stable life with 2 parents that desperately wanted a child.  He would have the best start in a life he had no say in.  3 days after my 18th birthday I gave birth to a healthy 6 lb. 3 ounce baby boy.

 DURING MY PREGNANCY

During my pregnancy I had people give me their opinions some were very cruel and hurtful.  I chalk this up to living in a small town where everyone knows each other and cruel people thinking there insights and opinions should matter.  Over the years my perspective on this has grown and matured.  At the time I was dealing with all of this it only served to hurt me and form walls around me that I am still trying to knock down.  I was never the same person as before.  Although I now understand how life experiences help to form us and that we are meant to learn from them.  These experiences are sometimes so powerful they leave lasting scars on us.  

Over the years I was at times depressed and self-loathing.  I never quit wondering how he was, how his life was, was he doing well in school, and the biggest question was he happy!   

 I ended up marrying Steve in 1984 and we were happy but our son was always there with us wondering and questioning.  We were unable to have children and this was a new piece of heartache.  Finally in January of 1993 our twin girls were born.  This helped my heartache some.  But still the questions and worry about our son was still there.

 Then in 2006 we were able to find him!  It was in the same month as his birth – 2 weeks before his 25th birthday.  His adoptive parents brought him from Lethbridge to Drumheller and I was finally able to lay eyes on Shane. I was finally able to hug him and try to let him know how much he was loved.  We found a beautiful young man that had led a wonderful life as an only child. His parents cherished him.  

“Adoption for the love of my Child”

Prior to actually seeing him for the first time his adoptive dad called me to tell me,”I was his hero.” I had given them the biggest gift anyone could ever give and thanked me for not terminating the pregnancy. This was a difficult and wonderful thing to hear. I will always remember Richards’s words.  His statement helped to release me from some of my guilt. I had carried this guilt all these years, and I believe helped us all form a wonderful new relationship.   

Over the past 11 years we have had some ups and downs. We are good overall and Shane was able to find 2 sisters and another set of parents.  I do believe at the time in my life that I decided to give him up for adoption, that was the best decision and I was able to give Shane the most important things he needed to become the wonderful grown man I know and love today.

He has 2 sets of parents that love and cherish him, 2 siblings that were loving and welcoming to him right away.  Watching the 3 of them together was amazing their ease and instant connection was the most beautiful thing I will ever see.

 I do believe our hearts know way more than our heads, and we should always follow our hearts first.       Vicki

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