No Hardship is Meaningless

No Hardship is Meaningless

For 9 years I suffered from anxiety. For 9 years I didn’t know I had anxiety because it started with a physical illness that went undiagnosed for a long time. While I went undiagnosed, I dealt with the emotional struggles of not knowing what was going on with my body, and why I was always sick and getting sicker as time went on. I isolated myself from even my best friends and from the world. I virtually stopped my life for some time because I allowed my physical illness and fear to control my life. I allowed myself to get comfortable at home where I felt the most secure and at peace. I didn’t want to live like this, but I was too afraid to live life as it should be due to the fear of getting sick all the time. When I think back to these thoughts I had, it sounds so crazy to me. How could I allow my emotions and fears to take over? But they did. I felt depressed at times because I felt like a failure. At the young age of 9, I had started to plan my life out. I remember thinking back and feeling the pressure to excel in school because I wanted to go to high school, be successful and move on to university so I could have a great career and be somebody in life. In Jr. High, I planned out the rest of my life; what I would become, when I would get married and have kids. It sounds so silly, but I had my whole life planned out by the age of 13.

“While I went undiagnosed, I dealt with the emotional struggles of not knowing what was going on with my body, and why I was always sick and getting sicker as time went on.”

At the age of 15, I fell very ill. I spent an entire month just trying to get food back in my stomach. I lost so much weight and from that point on, my life changed for what I felt was the worst. I couldn’t enjoy the rest of my high school years because every day felt like a challenge to just get through the day without feeling sick. My only goal was to graduate and get out. After graduation is when I lost friends because I wanted to disappear from the world and figure myself out. I had felt like I wasn’t myself anymore and I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life either. I tried going back to school with some success, but later reverted back to isolation due to my physical illness (but also with the help of my unknown anxiety). At 18, I was finally diagnosed with stage B GERD (acid reflux disease). Despite getting adequate medication, I still felt sick a lot. I had increased food intolerances that only seemed to get worse, which contributed to enhancing my fears of getting sick. At 19, I suddenly had to get surgery to remove two very large cysts on each of my ovaries that had been affecting part of my health for some time without knowledge. For a short time after recovering from this I felt better. Some aspects of my illness were improved.

The following year I began college with a new mindset. I had spent the last year working on my spiritual life more and trying to live life again. I completed some bucket list goals with my best friend and began volunteering at my church. I realized that I couldn’t live life without the help of God. Being raised in a Christian home, faith is very important to me and has always been, but I knew that during my early teens I hadn’t put my faith first. I knew I needed to make that change, and so I did. I know my faith and trust in God is the only thing that helped me succeed during my 2 year business diploma program. I graduated with a strong GPA and new confidence in myself. It was the most proud and triumphant moment of my life. I still wished I had been able to continue my life as I had planned it out, but I continued to move forward with a grateful heart because I was still moving and accomplishing my dreams.

A meaningful quote to V

“I graduated with a strong GPA and new confidence in myself. It was the most proud and triumphant moment of my life.”

I took a year to gain some work experience before deciding to finish my degree in business. In 2014, I had another emergency surgery to remove another ovarian cyst. This time it was just one very large cyst, but it was a big surgery again and it was harder for me to deal with emotionally. It took another few months to discover I had anxiety issues when I decided to plan a trip to New York for my 25^th birthday. Two days before, I had my first and last anxiety attack. It was the most terrible feeling I have ever had. I knew right then and there when the Doctor told me what I had experienced, that I needed to make a change. I needed to do something about it. With MUCH coaching, patience and love from my parents and best friend I made the trip to New York. This is where my life changed for the better. I went to a women’s conference that my best friend had planned for my birthday. That night, I poured my heart out to God and made a choice to let go of my fears and trust in Him to heal me from my own mind. After coming back from that trip, I still had symptoms of acid reflux that had gotten worse since before taking the trip to New York, but I didn’t lose faith. I pushed harder to live my life. I sought out therapy and began taking steps to address my emotions head on. In that year, I accomplished so many things I was afraid of doing before, and FINALLY got off my medication for acid reflux. To this day, I no longer suffer from acid reflux. I don’t fear getting sick or living life. I have done so many things that use to scare me and I am so grateful for my life. I learned that nothing is meaningless.

As hard as it was to struggle with something that felt like would be my life forever and see the light at the end of the tunnel, I would never go back and change the way my life has played out. I am thankful for the struggles, illnesses and obstacles that have impacted my life, because they have made me more compassionate, caring, patient, understanding and non-judgemental of others.

These experiences have helped me be more observant of others who may be going through something like I went through. It has allowed me to reach out to them to give them support and understanding. I have had people seek my advice and trust in me to tell me their issues because they know I went through the same thing; may it be acid reflux, ovarian cysts, anxiety, or even the feeling of failure because life hasn’t gone as planned. Everything that I have gone through has served to allow me to be a better person and help someone else who is struggling with something. It’s something you can’t see when you are in the midst of the storm and are struggling. It’s until the storm passes, that you can look back and put it all together and realize that yes, it was all meant for something good.

If you have made it to the end of this story, please know that no matter what life is throwing at you or will throw at you, nothing is meaningless. Everything you go through is meant to work for good in your life. Although I have struggled with my health, I have life; I have a home, food, and family. I have accomplished goals that I have set for myself. Even though I have taken a while to accomplish them, I have done it. I have a new sense of appreciation for life, as well as a new found compassion and respect for people. This can only come from allowing yourself accept that life doesn’t always go as planned, to grow through the hard times and refusing to give up when things seems impossibly unbearable. Always seek help and keep your eyes on your goals and dreams. Fight for you. And if you haven’t tried it, seek faith. That’s worked for me.

 -V

“I have done so many things that use to scare me and I am so grateful for my life. I learned that nothing is meaningless.”

Thank you V. HCM Lifestyle is grateful for the empowering, powerful and inspiring men and women who share their stories and help us all. Thank you.

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