Why Am I Talking?
WAIT
Listen, Hear and Understand. So many times, managers want to do all the talking and very little listening. If you are one of those types of managers, or no matter what position you are in, write out the word WAIT!
My dear sister-in-law, Kirsten Colberg gave me one of the best pieces of advice I have ever received. Kirsten is the manager of Pacekids Programs based out of Calgary, Alberta. Pacekids provides Early Childhood Service programs and a variety of Family Support for Children with Disabilities (FSCD). With a heart of gold and a smile on her face Kirsten manages staff members, helps educate children with disabilities and advises parents navigating their way through the program. To be a good listener and communicator she remembers WAIT:
This means “Why Am I Talking?”
WAIT -“Why Am I Talking”. Learning this was profound for me. It can be human nature to go into “fix mode” when someone comes to you with a problem or concern. Fixing may look like advice, opinions, ideas -all of which could be helpful -but what is often more powerful and helps to empower those around us, is truly listening and intentful contributions to a conversation. WAIT helps us do just that -remain intentful in what we are saying.
Am I talking because it helps me feel better that I’m fixing? Or, am I “waiting” to truly listen, giving space for the other person to arrive where they need to arrive, and contributing in a way that serves them? The latter certainly isn’t easy, but so important. It ensures we don’t live in assumption of what the other individual needs as well. Until you hear “what do you think I should do”, do your best to just listen. Even upon asking this, try asking that back to them instead “what do you think you should do”? Leave room for uncomfortable silence too! Creating the space and prompting with thoughtful questions keeps the other person in control which will more likely result in their confidence on where to go/what to do after your conversation
Kirsten showing her love for children at PaceKids
While “fixing” is often well intentioned, it can sometimes drive away the receiver. When we consider “WAIT” this will result in the receiver feeling heard and more confident with where they land. We all want to be good listeners and often think if we stay quiet, that means we are listening, but I would challenge this and say if we aren’t intentfullying responding, when it may be “our turn” to talk, we cannot call ourselves good listeners. So, the next time you have someone hoping to talk, listen and ask yourself “WAIT”! –
– Kirsten Colberg
Thank you Kirsten! If you believe in your team then be a good listener, be open-minded and always be ready to listen to new ideas.
The best thing you can do is listen to what your team has to say- they are the ones in the trenches. Too many managers think they know it all. Please do not be one of them! God gave us 2 ears and 1 mouth for a reason- use them. You and your team will be further ahead if you as the manager, talk less and listen more. You will be surprised what you hear when you WAIT- most of the time the answers are right there if you would just listen.
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